Mad Dogs And Englishmen

[Original blog post on Tumblr: April 9th, 2018. This was in the middle of my June 2017-early 2019 depression, to add some context.]

 

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Mad Dogs and Englishmen).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

I opened this book two months ago or so, started to read it, and put it down. I wasn’t in the mood for something silly, because some unpleasant things were happening in my life at that time.

The trouble is, even more unpleasant things happened, and kept happening, and two months later, I was like: fuck this, I need something silly right now. Let’s read the book with the talking dogs.

I read it in two days.

It doesn’t have the amazing, joyful worldbuilding of The Scarlet Empress, and it’s not as experimental and surreal as The Blue Angel. It doesn’t even seem to have an actual message. But it’s fun, it never takes itself seriously, it has a ton of entertaining characters and situations, and some scenes are completely hysterical to picture in your head. Exactly what you need after The Adventuress of Henrietta Street, and exactly what I needed in my life right now. 9/10

---

I don't doubt this for a second.

Also, I love the fact they didn’t care if the 100th novel had a bright pink cover with a dog wielding a laser gun on it.

I want to read that other book, now.

The what

I really like this idea of a book that took a lifetime to write.

Professor Alid Jag and Doctor Stellus Pontin officially have the best names.

Tag yourself I'm Stellus

Oh noooooooo

Okay, so... this story starts with accidental murder.

A typical day for Eight.

Good morning, Fitz! Eight has already accidentally killed someone!

Anji must be so tired of this bullshit.

Implying you are competent.

Well I'm sad now

Okay WHAT

That was lovely, and I kinda teared up??

I like this character!

HERESY

I’m still not used to this, by the way.

I can confirm.

Anji and Fitz are like “oh no, here we go again”.

azsdfghhgfggff

Wait wait wait, wasn’t this in the audio Find And Replace?

I don’t know why, but imagining this scene cracks me up.

It's like discovering Lord of the Rings is now suddenly all about possums.

Was that ever in doubt

I was just joking about the Lord of the Rings parallel, guys...

Is... is that the in-universe version of Narnia?

Welcome to the TARDIS, Flossie!

I hope nothing too horrible happens to you.

EXCUSE ME, THIS IS TERRIFYING

Okay oh shit where do I even start:

• Emily is a companion we’ve never heard about before.
• The Doctor forgot she existed.
  
• However, ‘1960s teenage gear’ and the fact she doesn’t recognise Eight suggests she was a friend of One, or maybe Two. We don’t really know the Doctor’s age at that point, but there’s a good chance she’s been there for at least 800 years.
  
• I keep joking about people getting lost in the TARDIS forever. Suddenly that joke sounds horrifying.
• It gets worse. This is Eight’s original TARDIS, but some disturbing shit happened to it over the course of the EDAs.
• So, presumably, Emily was there when it got turned into a small cube and slowly regrew for an entire century. There’s a good chance she was reconstituted with the rest of the TARDIS after being destroyed/crushed/killed when the TARDIS was similarly destroyed/crushed/killed.
• It gets even worse.
• Remember the Edifice in The Ancestor Cell? That gigantic bone-like version of the TARDIS where everything looked either dead, ossified or disturbingly deformed? Well, she was somewhere in there.
• Sweet dreams.

Well, that’s Classic Who’s budget for you.

So we have the in-universe version of Lord of the Rings, Narnia, and now this guy. That could be various authors, actually.

Mental picture:

IT HAS BEGUN.

This is so fucking weird.

Hmmmm.

There’s a good chance they can watch the episode A Christmas Carol, then.

Wait, do they have human pets? That’s a disturbing thought in an otherwise weird and funny concept.

Of course he is.

Hilarious but still fucking weird.

Asfdfssgsdfsdfsfdfsshdgfff

gfdsstjsyjyfghfff FITZ, NO.

I mean yeah, it’s true, I know you’ve been in far worse situations, but you’re enjoying this a bit too much.

AQZDSTGSGFWSGFSGFAAAFFF FITZ NO

Oh. Great. They filmed Lord of the Rings with dogs.

Well I prefered the LotR version anyway.

I’m still not used to this whole dog-with-hands thing either.

No, you’re not.

Oh. I forgot about her.

Same, Fitz, same.

I like Flossie. Can we keep Flossie?

“We are poodles, Doctor. Of course we know of such things.”

This fucking book is hysterical.

Oh no you didn’t.

Ooooh they're gonna meet the author!

Don't make me sad in a book with talking dogs

I SAID “DON’T”

“lugubrious precision”

STILL TOO FUCKING SOON

That it, that’s Fitz in a nutshell.

Meanwhile, Anji wonders if she really wants to go home.

Okay, okay, I know this is a very long screen, but I love this dialogue.

Oooohhhh, okay, that’s how he fits in the plot.

I love this.

Oh, so Freer rewrote the book? Who’s Freer anyway? Why is he doing this

You're acting stranger than him, Doctor.

Fitz what the fuck are you wearing

What is her role in all this?

FITZ. NO.

(I think this book has the highest amount of “Fitz no” moments in all the EDA range... so far)

Flossie is brilliant and I love her.

She’s brilliant AND hilarious.

I LOVE THIS WHOLE FUCKING SCENE

Meanwhile Anji has just discovered the best timeline.

I guess this guy is Georges Lucas in this timeline.

Whoops!

The guy who writes the in-universe version of Narnia featuring Iris and her bus instead of a wardrobe based his Iris Wildthyme character on Baba Yaga. This is the best thing ever.

Have you really

SUDDENLY, MORE TALKING DOGS

I can’t fault her logic.

FLOSSIE NO DON’T EXPLAIN EVERYTHING

To be honest I would have done the same but still

Hold on, what

(I’m sorry this was way too tempting)

Wait, what’s going on? What is the animator’s role in that timeline then?

Well, that was embarrassing, Doctor

What

WHAAAAAT

Holy fuck

DON’T TALK TRASH TO MY SON

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

IS BRENDA SOOBIE SECRETLY IRIS WILDTHYME

This is all getting very complicated, especially for a book about talking dogs.

Alid Jag isn’t dead and he’s using a human as a puppet

What the fuck is going on

It’s a bus, isn’t it.

I FUCKING KNEW IT.

I concur, too

The in-universe equivalent of Harryhausen brought his entire army of stopmotion creatures to attack the in-universe equivalent of Lucas and I absolutely love it.

Meanwhile, Tyler is still faceless.

I feel like there’s other, parallel adventures going on somewhere on this train. What’s up with the hat full of kittens?

This goddamm book, I swear

I LAUGHED SO FUCKING HARD

No, actually.

azertytresdfghfdfg what

Fitz is like “oh no not this bullshit again”

Not sure if this is a very good or a very bad idea.

Pfffft “Imperial Poodles”

The Hoth battle, except better.

So wait, is he the Master or just a guy who likes to be called ‘the master’?

Is... is he just an annoying fan of the book who wants to rewrite the canon to put all his headcanons in it

Laughed way too hard, again.

And not a single fuck was given by Eight that day.

Only in a Magrs book!

Oh, ok then.

They are so casual about it.

Oh, so that’s how he got his face back.

I laughed.

AND NOT A SINGLE FUCK WAS GIVEN THAT DAY²

Pinking shears that can cut through space and time. Just accept it, Anji.

NO IT WASN’T

Don’t give him ideas!

“When he was a very old man”

Eh eh

FUCKING SAME, NOËL

The main villains are all the people who were supposedly dead at the beginning of the story asdfghgfdfghgfdfg

Does anyone care what Fitz thinks

Ok.

Donna would be happy to know the Planet of the Hats and the Planet of the Boys probably exist, then.

Okay okay I know this is supposed to be a cool explanation but the resulting mental picture is hilarious

Don't spoil us the ending, Noël

This fucking dude invoked a poodle during a black mass. I can’t.

Why is this book so funny

THIS IS A TRAINWRECK

It’s Lord of the Rings again!

Thank you Captain Obvious!

Well, yes, sort of

Aww Iris noooo don’t cry

STOP MAKING ME SAD

THIS IS TOO CUTE, STOP

THIS FUCKING BOOK STARTS AND ENDS WITH ACCIDENTAL MURDER

Actually, Narnia would be a lot more fun with a double-decker bus.

So, in the end, Flossie is still alive at the end of this book, and even if she won’t stay in the TARDIS, she gets to travel with Iris instead! Even better!

I'm so happy for her :D

HE REALISED IRIS IS LIKE HIM

I’M SO HAPPY

THIS IS A GREAT ENDING A++

I TAKE IT BACK, THE LAST PAGE IS EVEN BETTER

THANK YOU MR. MAGRS FOR THIS GIFT