Demontage

[Original blog post on Tumblr: November 10th, 2015]

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Demontage).

This isn’t exactly a review, more like some sort of retroactive liveblogging, since I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

On one hand, Demontage is clearly an improvement on the previous two books. On the other hand, it’s an improvement in the same way Longest day was an improvement on Kursaal and Option Lock. It’s a nice read with a few good twists (even if I saw one of them coming from a mile away), the regulars are reasonably well handed (if a bit generic), and even if it’s nothing revolutionary, there’s a couple of good ideas here and there ; I really liked the concept of Kamil “Hazard” Solarin - too bad he didn’t play a bigger part in the story. So yeah, it’s too long, and a bit forgettable, but at least it’s competently written. 6/10 (was going to be a 5/10 for the longest time, but the battle at the end upped the note a little bit)

For goodness’ sake Fitz, I thought Eight was the expert in getting hurt in new and interesting ways.

Wow, Sam, rude.

“The weirdo and the other weirdo”

OH NO YOU DIDN’T

Oh my god Fitz has actually won a lot of money.

Nevermind

Okay, guys, this is Kamil “Hazard” Solarin, a professional assassin who relies entirely on randomization to kill his targets. I love this idea.

Also he (randomly) decided to use glass weapons disguised as stemmed glasses and this is really cool.

Wait a second isn’t that what Fitz is wearing?

OH MY GOD

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

FITZ NO DON’T TRY TO IMPERSONATE A PROFESSIONAL KILLER

ON THE SCALE OF BAD IDEAS WHICH GOES FROM 1 (trying to kill a fly by throwing something) TO 10 (invading Russia in winter) THIS SCORES A VERY STRONG 9 (Tycho Brahe deciding he’ll pee later)

Is this Donald Trump

OKAY THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS THE REAL TITLE OF THE PAINTING, THE SPACE BETWEEN THE TWO WORDS IS FAR TOO AWKWARD

YOU ARE GOING TO F█CKING DIE JUST BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO LOOK COOL, FITZ KREINER

Does that mean that my headcanon about Gallifreyan eyes is actually canon?

Fitz cannot possibly sustain this level of coolness for more than a minute, so I’m bracing myself for the inevitable

I knew it.

ಠ_ಠ

Are you telling me that Fitz doesn’t even know how matches work?

FrienDLY REmindER That thE DOCTor can be f█CKING DISTURBING WHEN HE REALLY REALLY WANTS TO

Hmmmmmmmmmm

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM NOPE

So Eight carries alcohol in his pockets. This is surprising.

No, he called it MURDERING____ART_______ and I’m sorry but that’s still extremely suspicious.

HAHAHA HMMMMMM NOPE

I know this is supposed to be Vermilion, the woman who was flirting with talking to Sam at the beginning of the story, but The Red Lady has left a bit of a mark on me, okay.

So Fitz has a thing that is supposed to detect his target, well the assassin’s target, and my money is on 1) the president who’s supposed to visit the exhibition 2) the painter himself who’s supposed to be dead but probably isn’t considering his paintings are changing.

WELL I WASN’T EXPECTING THAT

That about sums it up.

Approximately 50% of the universe wants to kill him anyway.

“THE SPACE BETWEEN SCARF AND HAT SEEMED TO BE ALMOST ENTIRELY OCCUPIED BY HUGE TOMBSTONE TEETH, BIG NOSE AND GOLF-BALL EYES”

YES THIS IS DEFINITELY THE SAFEST COURSE OF ACTION

TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN

I’m frankly amazed that a book written in 1999 gets that kind of thing better that people from 2015 saying “DIGITAL ART IS CHEATING THE COMPUTER DOES EVERYTHING!!11111″.

Ohhhh so the monsters were inside the paintings. Now I’m pretty sure this isn’t a coincidence. Moffat probably picked that idea in this book. I know it’s difficult to come up with original ideas for a series that is so old, but come on.

Ooooops

Fitz almost got killed because he forgot how elevators work

I have no words

Solarin is still damn cool okay

Come on Solarin, you just got fooled by a painting, you’re losing cool points here.

Well to be fair, both are true.

That was a pretty good plan, actually!

ASDFGHJKL I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO SAM IN THAT BOOK even if that’s clearly very low on the list of “bad things that happen to Sam”, especially after the last three books

So it turns out that the old casino chip that Four had won a long time ago is worth a shitload of money and I think I’m starting to understand why someone wants to kill the Doctor around here.

Also, Eight cheats at Poker more than the two guys supposed to be the most notorious cheaters in the whole Vega station.

HE WASN’T DEAD - well it wasn’t for the reason I thought, but still.

Meanwhile Sam is still stuck inside the painting.

Somehow there was some sort of system painted inside the painting, made to allow someone to get out of it? I’m confused.

Stabilo you need to change your glasses because Eight isn’t tall.

Guys, I’ve said this already in the previous book, but accents aren’t optional in French. It’s “démontage”. Please stop printing typos.

Fitz was about to drink paint thinner without asking questions oh my god.

DON’T TRY TO PRETEND YOU KNEW THAT, YOU WERE ABOUT TO DRINK IT

So this battle opposes painted creatures made of canvas and three dorks with cocktail glasses full of paint thinner, and I’m sorry but this is glorious.

Nobody needs excuses to try to kill Eight most of the time.

So let me get this straight. Martinique was hiding in one of his own paintings, and had painted a machine that could pull him out of the painting whenever he wanted to leave it, and out of all the paintings in the exhibitions, Sam was trapped in this particular one.

This is way too convenient.

YOU DON’T SAY

I KNEW IT & I CALLED IT 200 PAGES AGO

And he even painted his murderers just to make sure, that is cool.

And the guy who stole the very expensive chip is stuck in another painting forever. Bloodless but still pretty horrible when you think about it.

And that’s the only good idea Fitz had in two books, that’s rare enough to deserve a mention.