[Original blog post on Tumblr: July 9th, 2015]
Some A lot of highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Seeing I).
This isn’t exactly a review, more like some sort of retroactive liveblogging, since I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers. Warning: this post is extremely long and contains approximately 50% screams of anguish.
This book physically hurts. I mean, it’s extremely good, like, Vampire Science levels of good, but holy shit.
Is it as unbelievably creative as Alien Bodies? No, and I seriously doubt something can be more creative than Alien Bodies anyway. But it's still very creative, especially in the amazing final act. Most of the book destroyed me, though - and all the rest was either epic or hilarious. 9,5/10
Off to a good start: after the events of Dreamstone Moon, Sam Jones is now homeless and on an alien planet.
To be fair, Sam, Sara has probably no idea what “London” is.
Yes good
“Not knowing why she flinched”
YES, we’re finally talking about the aftermath of Genocide
Holy shit
Ah, so that’s how he repairs his clothes, interesting.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE MISSING TOOTH GREW BACK
WHAT
asdfssdggfff
“I JUST FELL ASLEEP”
YOU JUST FELL ASLEEP IN THE F█CKING BATH
MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE WARNED SAM ABOUT THE RESPIRATORY BYPASS BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO SLEEP UNDERWATER, JUST AN IDEA
Eight trying to find information about Sam on the Internet, everyone.
No one gets rid of this particular individual within five minutes, receptionist lady. I’m curious to see you try.
SEVERAL WEEKS LATER:
“THE RECEPTIONIST FLED”
Very intimidating, Eight.
Sam, you know, I don’t always like you, but right now I just want to give you a big hug, this is awesome
OH F█CK
OH F█CK
Sam’s roommate’s had a promotion and had to replace one of her eyes by a computer interface and now I’m rubbing one of my eyes. This is awful.
He bought a teddy bear for Sam oh no
No comment necessary
THANK YOU MARIO BUT OUR PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE
OUCH
F█CK I’M RUBBING MY EYE AGAIN
Eight, you’re in a prison, you shouldn’t care about your shoes and your hair ; priorities, Eight, please try to concentrate
EIGHT I TOLD YOU TO TRY TO CONCENTRATE
Akalu isn’t even wondering how all this stuff could fit in his pockets.
I’m reading that last line as “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED”.
You know Sam at this point I’m no longer surprised by this planet’s work laws.
PREACH
Sam’s boyfriend believes her when she tells him about the TARDIS. He is either very gullible, or very imaginative, or maybe very smitten, I can’t decide.
At least she didn’t tell him about her embarrassing crush on the Doctor.
…
SAM
NO
SAM NO
HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME READ THAT WITH MY OWN EYES SAM
THE PROBLEM IS THAT THIS CONVERSATION IS STILL GOING ON
PLEASE STOP
MEANWHILE EIGHT HAS BEEN IN THAT PRISON FOR A YEAR AND A HALF AND IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO ESCAPE THIS ISN’T OKAY GET HIM OUT OF HERE
MY HEART
ADSFSFGFFFFFF
GIVE HIM BACK THE TEDDY BEAR YOU A██HOLE
I don’t know if I should laugh or cry this is confusing
I still don’t know if I should laugh or cry
Okay this is interesting and explains a lot.
THIS F█CKING BOOK MAKES ME RUB MY EYES FAR TOO OFTEN
ALSO ZIBA IS DEAD NOW GOOD JOB
THAT’S WHY THEY CAN ALWAYS GUESS HE’S PLANNING AN ESCAPE ATTEMPT AND NOW I’M RUBBING MY EYE AGAIN
NOT OKAY
I have no words
OKAY WRITERS YOU ARE ALREADY TRYING TO BREAK EIGHT AND VERY MUCH SUCCEEDING, SAM WAS DOING RELATIVELY FINE COMPARED TO HER SITUATION AT THE BEGINNING OF THE BOOK, AND NOW YOU WANT TO DESTROY HER DAMN VILLAGE, I’M STARTING TO THINK YOU ARE SADISTS
NOT OKAY
Hahaha that was kind of funny WAIT NO IT’S STILL NOT OKAY
Can this get any worse
That’s it, I’m f█cking crying
Good job book are you happy now, you’ve attained your goal, you can stop being horribly cruel now
I’VE JUST NOTICED I’M ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH THE BOOK THIS CAN’T BE GOOD BUT HOW CAN THE SITUATION GET ANY WORSE
I kind of want to draw that cell covered in drawings but if I drew it right now the paper would be ruined by my tears in record time
THIS HITS FAR TOO CLOSE TO HOME PLEASE STOP
I JUST WANT TO HUG HIM AND ROCK BACK AND FORTH
HE WAS ABOUT TO RIP HIS F█CKING EYE OUT FOR A SECOND THAT’S HOW DESESPERATE HE IS
THEY’VE GOT A PROGRAM THAT THINKS LIKE HIM AND IT’S GETTING BETTER WITH EACH OF HIS ESCAPE ATTEMPTS
SOMEONE PLEASE GET HIM OUT OF HERE
THE NOISE OF ANGUISH I JUST MADE WAS NOT HUMAN
YES GOOD SAM FOUND WHERE HE WAS BY ACCIDENT GO GO SAM
YES GOOD²
YES SHE EVEN FOUND THE TARDIS
YES VERY GOOD NOW JUST GET THE F█CK OUT OF HERE AND NEVER EVER LOOK BACK JUST RUN
OH NO MY HEART
He’s still got this awful, awful thing in his eye though, how the hell are they going to get it out, I don’t really want to think about it - and now I’m rubbing my eye again, this can’t be good.
THIS IS PAINFUL TO READ STOP
THE BUTTERFLIES FROM THE BUTTERFLY ROOM DON’T WANT TO INTERACT WITH HIM ANYMORE, NOT OKAY
THAT’S IT I’M CRYING AGAIN
I HATE THIS BOOK BUT NO I ACTUALLY LOVE THIS BOOK BUT UGH
You know something is extremely wrong when you have to use the word “lifelessly” to describe Eight
OH NOOOOOOOOO BABY EIGHT NOOOOO
“I think he’s only got one other speed and that’s “stop”“
YES GOOD SAVE THIS PLANET FROM THE EVIL CORPORATION FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT DON’T MAKE ME CRY AGAIN
…
Are those dorks about to get captured again? I’m gonna break something
I know I say this quite often but SAM NO
Eight messing with history a little bit just to find a lost companion everyone
STOP BEING ADORABLE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT BEING SO CUTE AFTER MAKING ME CRY SO MUCH
Oooooh magical computer hacking!
So the Doom franchise still exists in the future, and the Doctor has probably played Doom at some point, and this little fact puts very entertaining images in my head.
That verbal tic Eight has when he’s stressed (repeating words or names several times) exists in the audios too, and I love the fact that Twelve has the same tic sometimes (”Clara Clara Clara”). Come to think of it, Twelve has several small things in common with Eight - that tic, the fact that his TARDIS is full of books lying everywhere, and he also drinks his tea with impossible amounts of sugar. The resemblance stops here but it’s still pretty cool.
Meanwhile the AI programmed to think like the Doctor is getting its metaphorical hair eaten by data-umphs.
I’M HOWLING OH MY GOD BEST SCENE IN THE WHOLE DAMN BOOK
I SPAT ON MY SCREEN
THIS IS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER PLEASE GO ON
I have no words
HA HA HA HA YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET CAPTURED AGAIN
MY HEART JUST SANK
So this sonic has a crystal like the one in Dark Eyes. Interesting.
I’ve got the feeling that he’s like one step away from being completely broken again and this is not good at all
TERRIBLE PUNS WON’T GET YOU OUT OF HERE PLEASE FOCUS
This is very, very cool, but I get the feeling they are going to be locked up again and it can’t be good
Knowing the Time Lords, they probably wouldn’t care at all.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DON’T LOCK HIM UP AGAIN
NOT OKAY NOT OKAY NOT OKAY
THAT OTHER PRISON ABOARD THE SHIP IS SOMETHING ALIVE
This is so cool oh my god
You f█cking dork.
THE MIND PROBE CHANGED INTERNET INTO -
WELL BASICALLY A DESCRIPTION OF OUR CURRENT INTERNET
OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS REALLY F█CKING AMAZING FIRST BECAUSE THE METAPHOR IS REALLY SWEET BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE THAT GIANT SPACE BUTTERFLY THAT MAUPASSANT DESCRIBED IN HIS BOOk “LE HORLA” in 1887
But the butterfly, you will say, a flying flower! I dream of one that should be as large as a hundred worlds, with wings whose shape, beauty, colors, and motion I cannot even express. But I see it - it flutters from star to star, refreshing them and perfuming them with the light and harmonious breath of its flight! And the people up there gaze at it as it passes in an ecstasy of delight!
I KNOW IT’S JUST A COINCIDENCE BUT I LOVE IT
Wait for it…
Wait for it
I KNEW IT
And Sam decided to travel with him again! I sincerely thought she was going to stay on the planet, to be honest. Well, okay, fine, as long as she doesn’t-
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