JohannesVIII's Doctor Who liveblogs archive: The Book of the Still

[Original blog post on Tumblr: March 21st, 2021]

Some highlights of the latest EDA I’ve read (The Book of the Still).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

Welcome back. I started reading this book two years ago. Let’s just say that Stuff happened since then.

What a great book to kickstart this new series of liveblogs with. It’s far from perfect actually - the first third is pretty uneventful, some plot points are way too convenient near the end, and said ending is a huge mess and I’m not even sure if the authors themselves knew what they were doing apart from tying every plot thread in some sort of bow. It doesn’t even have anything to say in particular about the planets visited or the aliens we meet even though there’s clearly stuff that could be said there.

But great locations? check. Great regulars? Check. Great aliens with a super cool concept? check. Great worldbuilding? Also check. Is it fun? Very. Was I asking for more? Not really. 8,5/10

We’re off to a very good start.

I don’t know what’s going on but this is all very Night Vale-ish.

So I guess the villain wrote the prologue? Maybe?

I'm reading all of this with Cecil's voice from Night Vale just so you know

I tried, I really tried but my brain is still doing the Cecil narration-thing.

Very helpful card, thank you curator

During this entire scene I never suspected it was him even once, because as you probably already know, I'm f█cking stupid

Hi Rhian Salmond you have a funny name

OH SHIT AND NOW EIGHT IS IN A PRISON CELL, DRINK A SHOT

Anji is in a bad mood

AQZSDFGHJHGFDFGHJKL

Ok what the hell is wrong with this planet

Oh so it’s “Late Stage Capitalism But Make It Goth: The Planet”

Also Eight, you idiot

Also Fitz, you idiot

Hey this is a big mood and also very cute

Holy shit he's not getting any better health-wise, is he?

I love you Anji

asdfghjkjhgfdsdfghsdfghjk

Classic Eighth Doctor right there

I mean... what did you expect

Hi! Hello! This is nightmarish! Thank you for this!

I know I’m saying this a lot in these liveblogs but let me say this once again: FITZ. YOU. IDIOT.

Hang on, what

Is there a Matrix-like thing going on?

Oh wow, hahaha

Not sure what it all was, except a wild ride.

Ok so the Book of the Still from the title is some sort of log where time-travelers write SOS messages. I absolutely love this concept.

This is so cool shut up

THE CONCEPTS IN THIS BOOK KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BETTER BY THE MINUTE

“Three halves”

This is very very cute and good

But also I’m deeply concerned for Fitz and this whole memory-alteration bullshit and I doubt he had any idea of what he signed up for.

Oh my god

Usually Eight doesn’t need permission to be ridiculous.

Be right back, laughing

Fitz. Fitz. My boy. My dude. My friend. You know I love you but. Fitz. Fitz that was shady as f█ck. Why did you accept.

A++ dialogue

Me, a man of culture: “Ah yes, a quote straight out of Edgar A. Poe’s famous opus “The Cask of Amontillado””

"Ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh! --ugh! ugh! ugh!" My poor friend found it impossible to reply for many minutes.

I know this has been the case since Démontage, but I’m still so glad this thing about Gallifreyan eyes being good in the dark is no longer a headcanon

Story of his life!

This, on the other hand, is relatively new.

Ok so let me get this straight. The whole Matrix-thing was made to implant some fake memories and feelings into Fitz’s head, to make him be in love with this woman against his will and knowledge.

This is disturbing as f█ck.

I’m sorry to insist but this situation is extremely creepy.

Just try to imagine yourself in his situation without feeling nauseous

Great! Just what we needed!

This isn’t sarcasm actually, it’s been nearly 100 pages and despite some very cool worldbuilding there isn’t a lot happening in this story so far.

Don’t mind me I’m just saving this description of the Book of the Still for later reference just in case I need it

Oh so that weird spell from earlier wasn't linked to the loss of his heart? I’m confused but intrigued

Don’t answer that.

Hi! I said it already but this situation is creepy as hell!

ASDFGHJHGFDSDFGHJ ANJI

ASDFGHGFDSZERTYSDFGHJZERDFGH

Of course he’s got a scale for torture scenes. Of f█cking course he does. Like Five reviewing and rating his prison cell in The Kingmaker.

Well, yes?

OUCH. OUCH, OUCH, OUCH.

Well, uh, please share this info with us maybe

Ok that title made me laugh out loud

Anji I beg you, please keep calling every secondary character like that.

* * *

At this point of the liveblog, in early March 2019, I was still struggling to get out of a depression and the workload at my job intensified, so I put this book aside.

Then I got caught up in the hype of Eurovision 2019.

Then I got married.

Then I travelled to another continent for the first time in my life.

Then the workload at my job intensified yet again.

Then COVID-19 happened and my country was put under lockdown.

Then I fell into Death Stranding for several months.

Then another lockdown happened.

And now we’re in March 2021.

Keep on keeping on.

* * *

I haven’t changed a single coma in the beginning of this liveblog, I’m just picking up where I left it. Let’s go baby

Hi! We’re two years later! And in all that time I nearly forgot how brutal the EDAs were! Feels like home!!

Anji I envy your ability to be smart in situations like this one.

Can somebody PLEASE UNTIE HIM

Well, Rhian isn’t wrong.

Well, f█ck.

I’m having Arrival (2016) and Immortal Ad Vitam (2004) flashbacks playing in stereo at the exact same time

For some reason I think the Doctor feeling better just by being anywhere near the TARDIS is a super cute detail

I mean of course his situation is awful but maybe he'll learn something from it.

But probably not.

I love you Anji

At least you didn't put the soot in your mouth. Ten would.

Ah yes, the nope-ship from nope-space

Eight having exactly zero self-preservation is such a f█cking mood

Holy shit what the f█ck
I’m kinda in love with the imagery there

How did you get this photo of my true form

I have no idea how I was ever able to forget how much I loved Eight in the past two years

Ok so first, this nope-soup is delicious, but secondly, are the aliens using humans as service dogs of sorts?? I mean, it’s disturbing but also a cool concept

Sounds like international politics

Oh so they’re using her like a living detection device?

My brain supplied a comical “BONK” noise

Long story short, another tuesday in the EDAs

A planet-destroying bomb, uh?

Higgs Monaghan wants to know your location

A perfectly normal reaction

As a friend of mine would say, “that’s a solid Oof on the Roofter scale“.

Meanwhile poor Fitz is still getting manipulated! Save him!!

Ouch poor TARDIS D:

(This is not fine)

SDFGHJKJHGFGHJ HANG ON, WHAT

SHE HAS A TIMETRAVEL KINK??

I want to hug him

Ok so uh what the f█ck

What just happened

Also Six has called to say he apologises for the inconvenience

AQZSDFGHJKJHGFDSDFGHJKLKJHGFD

Super cute

This book finds a nice balance between really disturbing shit and super cute fluffy moments

SPEAKING OF REALLY DISTURBING SHIT

Fitz doesn't remember much, but knows he probably likes to smoke

YEPPPPPPP Yep it's supremely f█cked up & I’m glad we’re starting to talk about it now instead of waiting for the end of the book.

Aaaaaaaaand speaking of other supremely f█cked up things

Oh trust him, he knows.

Also considering the current pandemic I find extremely funny that a pleasure planet full of disgustingly rich people is literally called “antimask” but in French

Wait Anji has the Book of the Still now?

He learned the art of aliases from the best, and by the best I mean the worst, and by the worst I mean the Master

Screw the metric system now we’re using islands

ASDFGHJHGFDSDFGHJKL

Anji is being controled by the trio of idiots AND getting hit on by weird people, it’s really not her day, is it

“Fitz had long since got over the shock of visiting cultures that were overtly bisexual” YEAH YOU THINK? ONE DAY YOU’LL HAVE TO ADMIT THAT YOU’RE A BI DISASTER YOURSELF, MY BOY

YEAH ENOUGH DANCING

I WAS DRINKING TEA

Have I told you that I keep reading this name as 'Grimdark' yet

What now

On top of all the rest, this book is really f█cking funny

Waitwaitwait I think I understood something about Carmodi. Was she one of those people the Unnoticed use as sniffer dogs of sorts? I bet she was.

Eh, you’ve had worse days.

Well, of course

AZSDFGHJKLKJHGF THE MOOD WHIPLASH

Hey quick question who told you this was okay

None of this is remotely okay in any way, shape or form

I mean I KNOW they’re not going to die here. I know. It’s just that the whole “learning how to dance to distract ourselves from our imminent death” thing hurts all 3 of my feelings

NONE OF YOU IS COMPETENT ENOUGH TO USE THIS MIND-CONTROL TECHNOLOGY IN ANY WAY AND PLEASE LEAVE ANJI ALONE

There's a running theme of people being made to believe they love someone against their will or using people against their will but so far the book isn’t saying much about it apart from “it’s bad”

Which. I mean. which isn’t a bad take but. please elaborate

Nice try, Fitz

Should I make an “Everything Bad Happens to Fitz“ sheet

Wait, is there some kind of paradox bullshit going on with the Unnoticed?

Not gonna lie I absolutely love this concept.

Like I suspected. I love being right. ~~Because it’s pretty rare~~

Ominous.

Eight. Eight, my friend. Eight, when has fighting EVER ended well for you

Good job Rhian - also Eight, sdfghjjhgfgsdfghjk

Well that explains some things, at least.

OMINOUS 2: THE OMINOUSING

Well.

RIP Antimasque, I guess.

I said “OH” out loud.

[Moffat in the background, desesperately trying not to look at Eight letting an entire planet explode]

You might already know I’m very fond of the “sleep cute” trope, and I love that specific one where someone adds a blanket or something over a sleepy friend even more.

Every time he sniffs something to analyse it I keep thinking about Ten and his habit of licking random things. Also Thirteen eating dirt. Also Eleven tasting that shed to determine how old it is.

Wait is that actual not just a Ten thing, but a New Who thing?

GOOD. Kill the bastards, Anji

Only the EDAs could make canvas tents absolutely terrifying and I’m living for this kind of shit

F█ck off, Carmodi. You’re literally using him to get your fix and nothing else.

The Unnoticed without their coats, everyone.

That’s some Phyrexia shit right there. Hang on.

The thing drawn on the Vebulid card in the Urza bloc. There we go.

Eight, no.

OOPS

The main inconvenient of being a creature with an open stomach.

I know I shouldn’t laugh, but-

LOOK AT THIS

THIS IS SO COOL HOLY SHIT

YOU ARE GOING TO LAND ON A STAR INSIDE OF A GIANT ORIGAMI MADE WITH THE PAGES OF A LOG BOOK FOR STRANDED TIME TRAVELERS

I’M SO GLAD I DECIDED TO FINISH READING THIS BOOK YOU GUYS

I almost feel sorry for Carmodi.

Almost. But no

AND THEY’RE STIRRING THE ORIGAMI-SHIP BY SIMPLY MOVING INSIDE OF IT AAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

I- uh- sounds reasonable, carry on

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT HAS BEGUN

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I’m emotional

Oh so she wanted to do this nightmarish thing to the Doctor instead of Fitz! That makes it okay then! No it doesn’t!

I mean if she’s been used as a detector by the Unnoticed for her whole life it makes sense that she tends to view every other person as an object to use. It’s understandable. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it or excuse it. F█ck off, Carmodi

And they’re reunited!

Also, “hey Doctor this is Carmodi she held me against my will for several days and manipulated my memories and forced me to be in love with her and I feel violated to the bottom of my soul, but it was a mistake, she wanted to do this to you”

ASDFGHJHGFDFGHJKLKJHGFD I MEAN, VALID, BUT A BIT EXTREME

Wait isn’t that what happened earlier with Rhian? What’s going on

And now there’s some kind of weird spatial distorsion deforming everything and everyone??

Is... is the Doctor the source of it? I’m so f█cking confused right now.

OH. Oh ok. They put a thing in his head during the torture-thing earlier to make him attack and kill Carmodi on sight?

G-Good job, Fitz! That was disturbing, but! Like! Good job!

Being both scary and cute is very Eight.

@ terrifying body horror creatures that shouldn’t exist: stop being silly.

This... is a bit too easy and convenient.

And this hasn't stopped being confusing! Care to help me? Anyone?

Oh shit the three bastards were too close when the distorsion stopped and now they’re permanently fused.

This is getting more confusing by the minute.

I don’t know why every body-horror thing in this book reminds me of a Magic illustration, but...

...yep, the Skaabs from Innistrad.

That's not. That's not how it works

...

IT'S THE REAL THING??

WITH THE DOCTOR. IT'S. THE. REAL. THING. HELLO. HELLO WHAT

I. I just. I need a minute.

Hang on.

I don’t know what to say anymore

I’m so happy

I cannot read his interactions with Eight in any other way now. He loves him. It’s written clear as day. I cannot live normally now that this blessed but forbidden knowledge has been given to me

Hang on I was distracted, are you suggesting the Unnoticed should self-genocide themselves now

On one hand it makes sense that the two high-octane nightmare fuel body horror things are directly related. On the other it’s also convenient and I'm not sure I like this plot twist. I kinda liked not knowing how the Unnoticed were created. Not knowing is scarier.