JohannesVIII's Doctor Who liveblogs archive: The Crooked World

[Original blog post on Tumblr: August 4th, 2021]

Some highlights of the latest EDA I’ve read (The Crooked World).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

Where to even start. Look, I tried. I really tried to like this book, but I don’t think I can. It has a couple of excellent scenes, and it’s not badly written at all, and the regulars are pretty great in it, and it even has some interesting things to say. But I’m sorry, I just can’t. And it’s not just that I don’t vibe with its ending or that some things in it are a bit lazy ; the issue I have with it is extremely simple and entirely subjective.

There’s no nice way to put it: anything that turns cartoon violence into realistic violence makes me ill. I have no clue why or how, especially considering how fond I am of horror in general ; maybe it’s the contrast between the cute designs and the gore? Maybe it’s the innocence of childhood morphed into something gruesome and deadly? Happy Tree Friends was very popular back when I was a teenager and even other students simply wearing t-shirts featuring some of the characters made me cringe. I’m not entirely sure why, but I’ve always hated it.

So yeah. Uh. This book. I really like parts of it but hate its entire aesthetic. I am in hell. Please send help. 5/10 (by default)

Ok so Tumblr forced me to change the theme of my blog, which means the background of my posts is white now, which makes it a LOT harder to distinguish where each screenshot stops, so I added a little border to them.

Let’s go.

Wait why are we in the Looney Tunes universe all of a sudden

How does this work? Is this the Land of Fiction? I’m intrigued

ASDFGHGFDFGH WELCOME TO A NEW EDA, DOCTOR

Oh shit, so the Crooked World works on cartoon logic, but it doesn’t extend to the TARDIS team

I like this realistic description of a cartoon bird even if it’s making me a bit anxious, not gonna lie

Ok no that cartoon ambulance is STRAIGHT UP giving me anxiety

Yeah no I'm absolutely Fitz in this situation

Meanwhile that bird is trying to kill Anji

Yeah no hold on a second, is the entire book going to be like this? Because this is nearly as distressing as Happy Tree Friends for me

And I do not want to go back to that era of entertainment

I cannot emphasize enough how much I don’t want to go back

Wait. Are you introducing this world to the concept of death

After all this time, he's still terrified of hospitals

Get me out of this circle of hell

GET BACK TO THE F█CKING TARDIS

Poor Fitz is worried sick and I am too

I would laugh if any of this was less nightmarish

Of course there's a Coyote too, why am I even surprised

Oh and Wacky Races too! I used to watch that! It’s called Les Fous du Volant in France and I know the intro by heart sdfghjkdfghjkjhgf

No.

I feel you Anji, I feel you

Thanks! This is horrifying!

Fitz being nice to the poor cartoon cat condemned to always fail at everything is giving me feelings

GOOD QUESTION AND I WISH THEY WOULD STOP

Hey give me back my ugly shirt

FINALLY SOME GOOD DECISIONS

Nice try, Fitz

Well, you've accidentally introduced the concept of death, for one thing

Oh my god Anji found the Scooby gang

(Gotta say one thing though, it’s weird she isn’t comparing them to the Scooby Gang considering she compared someone to Velma from the Scooby Gang in the previous book)

You know what? I'm ok with this.

They're going to make this entire place even more f█cked up that it already is

Fitz. Fitz this is a bad idea and you know it

THANKS THAT’S F█CKING HORRIFYING

Poor Fitz is expected to die at the slightest opportunity because he’s supposed to be a hero

Ah yes just what we needed: explosives

Fitz wasn't playing his “role” correctly and it was apparently enough to throw them off their respective roles as well

That part is cute, and also a bit Megamind in spirit

GOOD

Oh no FITZ NO

I KNOW I SAY “FITZ NO” VERY OFTEN BUT CONSIDERING HOW THIS WORLD REACTS TO NEW CONCEPTS THIS IS A VERY STRONG “NO”

~~and she grabbed the leader of the Scooby Gang~~

Which reminds me that most of Doctor Who works with the exact opposite of Scooby Doo logic

(source)

False alarm, things seem to be all right.

Also Fitz wondering if he should hold her hand or not is extremely cute

ASDFGHJHGFDFGHJKJHGFDSDFGHJKJHGFD F█CKING HELL THIS BIT WAS AHEAD OF ITS TIME AND HAS AGED LIKE FINE WINE

STOP BEING CUTE

Fitz. Fitz my boy. Fitz my dude. Please don’t.

I still think this is the Land of Fiction but it probably isn’t

Must be Tuesday

Is. Is he accidentally going to bring the concept of sex in this world

I'm gonna scream

ASDFGHJKLKJHGFD

Me trying to speak English in all my WIP videos

Ok I love this detail

Oh I like this conversation already. Go on.

Not what I expected, but very good.

NEVERMIND OH MY F█CKING G O D

A very cool but very surreal escape plan.

Poor little piggy

IGNORANCE AND BLISS: THE STORY

Real talk I don’t like the fact that the Doctor decided that changing this world to bring it closer to reality was automatically a good thing. It has some sort of unpleasant “you don’t know what’s good for you” vibe about it.

In other news water is wet

Oh uh well this hits harder nowadays, doesn’t it

OH UH WELL, THIS HITS HARDER NOWADAYS, DOESN’T IT 2: THE THRILLING SEQUEL

Of course it also means criminals get to be actually dangerous now

Hey, it almost worked though

Not so fun fact! Being tickled for too long actually becomes horribly painful because your body kind of switches automatically to “pain” mode

Eight. Always the optimist.

Hey um.... yikes?

Honestly if it's not the land of fiction I will riot

BEHOLD! One more reason to argue about The Colour of the Coat!!

This is a terrifying thought, thanks Anji

Hi hello yes remember my Happy Tree Friends comment

Well I'm in hell

Basically same

I think it's the fact they're portrayed as child-like innocent but SENTIENT beings that gets to me

Please look at my two idiots

Questioning the lethality of cartoon weapons by applying real-world logic to them! I like it! That's clever

W-

WOULD IT, THOUGH

WOULD IT REALLY

WOULD IT R E A L L Y

Eleven would LOVE THIS

This is the fourth screen from the same page. There isn’t a single thing I don’t like in the scene.

Also I need someone to read it with zero context like I need air

Ok so this book might not be the best experience for me but I think we can all agree this was the best scene so far by a mile

Meanwhile the Scooby gang gets existential

STOP WITH THE REALISTIC VIOLENCE ON TOONS ALREADY

THIS POOR CAT HADN’T DONE ANYTHING TO DESERVE A BROKEN SKULL

A genre-saavy Scooby Gang sounds like the most powerful thing in the world

Ah yes uh... another bit that hits different nowadays, doesn’t it

YEAH ALL DOG COPS ARE BASTARDS

Steve Lyons my dude my friend please, you can stop trying to give me nightmares any time now

Look what YOU'VE done to THEM as well Doctor

Oh come on.

In a way I’m also starting to wonder if it's also a not-so-veiled metaphor of what the EDAs did with Doctor Who, with all the added violence and gore. But if that’s the case, it's very superficial criticism

Ok this quote is raw as all hell

I should create a “Fitz No” button and push it from time to time

Honestly at this point I feel drained

Meanwhile here’s a Scooby Doo villain getting a taste of his own medicine

Yeah good

No offense Eight but I don't trust you and your shitty memory and I especially wouldn’t trust you as a lawyer

Isn't that a bit too late though? You brought all this change by accident and didn’t give a shit because you thought it was a good thing, and you’re only trying to actively help after some of them died