JohannesVIII's Doctor Who liveblogs archive: Coldheart

[Original blog post on Tumblr: August 18th, 2016]

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Coldheart).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers. And extremely long.

I enjoyed this book. I actually read it in only two sittings. And I have no idea why, because it’s not particularly good, or original, or clever, or gripping, despite its good sense of pacing. The plot is flimsy, but decent. It’s very visual, and I love visual stories, but it also contains Baxendale’s obsession with disgusting creatures. There’s a couple of good extras, but nothing extraordinary. It’s almost as traditional as the EDAs can get, too. If the previous book was a case of a writer biting more than he can chew, then this is the reverse situation.

But oh, look at the imagery and the worlduilding! - ah, but there’s only a handful of locations. The writing style is so dull - but the enthusiasm of the author is so infectious! The characters’ interactions can be very subtle and very well handled! - but the dialogue can also be horribly cliché.

Long story short, it’s an average filler book. And I doubt anything in it will be tremendously important later. So, again, here’s that question: why did I enjoy it so much?

I have no clue. 7/10

Okay

This is only page 4 and I’m already cackling.

Wait I thought Fitz was always carrying a lighter?

WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD AT BASIC SLAPSTICK HUMOR

STOP BEING SO ADORABLY RIDICULOUS YOU ABSOLUTE DORKS

Okay guys, this is a Baxendale book, so I’m one hundred percent sure a half-eaten ankle is only the beginning of a long list of injuries.

I laughed so hard

This is a very accurate summary, Brevus, good job.

Stop it you two

Ooooooh okay this is cool. The planet is very arid but there’s some frozen underground phreatic zones, so the people there have to mine for water. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a planet like that in scifi before.

I love this description.

Fair enough.

I think Fitz might have found the next woman who’s life he’s going to accidentally ruin over the course of this book.

On top of the concept of that planet, I think it’s also the first time I’ve ever seen aliens based on camels. This is great.

Okay I had some doubts at first, but now I’m sure. Say hello to Fitz’s future dead girlfriend number ten.

Fitz trying to use technobabble, everyone

Take a shot whenever Eight’s eyes are described and another one whenever they change colour

“It’s rude to criticise your host’s planetary tectonics”

THIS IS SO COOL

Eight’s enthusiasm is very infectious as far as I’m concerned

I was wondering when the real problems would start. There’s some sort of underclass in the wonderful city. Of course there’s one. Also there’s this bit about the girl without a name because she’s orphaned, too.

It has begun.

I’m getting unexpectedly emotional about this little exchange.

Well Compassion I don’t know, maybe it’s because of the Slimers who are treated like shit or because of the nameless orphans they use as servants

I want to see the paintings

FITZ NO

Water is so scarce they offer it in small thimbles to their guests!

I love this exchange.

This planet is so damn cool. I love it.

FITZ TRIED AN ALIEN CIGARETTE AND FAINTED ON THE SPOT

Are you kidding, were you expecting them to live in the middle of the goddamn desert instead of staying close to the city

Ah yes, the good old “finding a cure” solution, instead of, you know, ACTUALLY HELPING THE PEOPLE CONCERNED BY THE THING

‘No it’s okay we’re just going to throw them out until we find a cure you see, to make them normal again

‘Basically fuck you.

To be fair almost anything Compassion comes up with is bound to involve pain.

Haha Fitz’s hangover was only psychosomatic, I like that.

He was about to make the hangover return

Doctor please stay focused.

This is both funny and bittersweet and I don’t know how to react, it’s a very confusing feeling

100% accurate profiling, good job Compassion

Woah there Fitz.

The feelings are back with a vengeance

The feelings are b a c k w i t h a v e n g e a n c e

Fitz no

Meanwhile here’s a friendly reminder that Eight is a top grade nightmare fuel station attendant

So Tor Grymna is keeping his own son locked in his room?

Oooooh. Ckeho is a slimer.

It may be quite heavyhanded and involve an imaginary disability, but still, kudos to the author for making ableists look like complete assholes

THERE’S A FEW HOURS AT NIGHT WHERE THERE’S A VERY BRIGHT MOON IN THE SKY AND YOU CAN GO HUNTING I LOVE THIS

Eeeeeee cute

Seriously though I love the interactions between Eight and Compassion in this book. Rather than trying to ignore what happened in the previous one, they are very slowly rebuilding mutual trust and friendship, but strictly on Compassion’s chosen terms. Good.

I feel so sorry for ‘Florence’ and she’s so going to die.

I knew that the list of injuries had only just started, I just knew it.

Oh damn, unexpected Night of the Doctor feels. “I help where I can. I will not fight.” Oh damn.

Well it was predictable, but still, it’s also a pretty logical explanation.

Fitz. Stop. My heart. No.

Friendly reminder that this is a Baxendale book and holy mother of god.

Tor Grymna is problematic, spread the word

THIS IS SO CUTE IT’S LIKE A BIG CATERPILLAR-CAT-THING I WANT ONE

A minute ago Eight was petting a friendly fluffy caterpillar thing and now he’s on full-on creepy mode & trying to get information out of that old guy

Also “you know you want to” is giving me stressful Zagreus flashbacks

You know Eight is written quite well when he’s simultaneously adorable and terrifying in the same scene

Also don’t forget to make him very distracted by random things, like rearranging furniture in the middle of the night instead of noticing small earthquakes

His tendancy to focus on Very Important small things (and have special interests too) makes him a very relatable Doctor as far as I’m concerned and it’s part of the reason why he’s my favorite - some of his other incarnations are like that too, but not to this degree.

Oh. So that’s why he wants so badly to help Ckeho. I didn’t notice.

To add on the list of “unexpected brilliant ideas Fitz came up with in a critically dangerous situation”

I have no words

Apply cold water to burned area

Compassion has fallen into the chasm and is trying to shield someone else against the impact, oh damn.

Fitz is this close to start a f█cking revolution just because he doesn’t like the way people treat 'Florence’ and because he finds Ckeho relatable.

Fitz, you are earning a ton of points in this book, even without doing much. You go, Fitz.

Probably nothing good.

OH SHIT

OH F█CK

I’m going to say it again but there’s some great character development for Compassion in this book.

Ah! I forgot they were in almost complete darkness! Nice trick.

How much do you want to bet he’s holding it under his chin just to make the creepy shadows thing every kid does with a lamptorch

OKAY SO HE’S BEEN SHOT WITH A GODDAMN CROSSBOW BOLT BUT HE’S GOT OTHER PRIORITIES SO HE’S DECIDED TO IGNORE IT FOR THE MOMENT

OF COURSE THERE’S A NIGHTMARISH MONSTER THAT LIVES IN THE CAVES AND WHICH IS PROBABLY CONTAMINATING THE WATER

OF F█CKING COURSE THERE’S ONE

Okay so the thing is a whale-sized worm-slug thing BUT THE IMAGE THAT POPPED IN MY BRAIN WAS VERY DIFFERENT BECAUSE I PLAY MONSTER HUNTER ON A REGULAR BASIS

MEET THE KHEZU, A REALLY F█CKING DISTURBING THING FROM MONSTER HUNTER THAT CONSTANTLY GIVES ME THE CREEPS AND NOT JUST BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE A SILENT HILL 3 BOSS

IT LOVES TO CHILL ON THE CEILING OF CAVES IN THE GAME, AND IT HAS AN UNEXPECTEDLY LONG TELESCOPIC NECK WHICH IT USES TO SNATCH YOU FROM THE GROUND AND ELECTROCUTE YOU TO DEATH

Fun fact ~~not really~~, the music stops completely when you’re battling a Khezu.

So yeah basically the mental image I just had of the Spulver Worm was some sort of whale-sized Khezu with additional tentacles.

On the list of things I didn’t need to imagine, this is pretty high.

Oh shit are you okay Fitz

Damn, you go Fitz.

I wished you’d stay to help Ckeho against his father but still. That was pretty high on the short list of your cool moments.

Tor Grymna is a confirmed abusive parent on top of being a genocidal asshole and given the kind of book this is, I hope he dies a horrible death

Oh yeah so Eight suddenly remembered he had a f█cking crossbow bolt in his left arm and now he’s reacting to it

OH F█CK OH SHIT OH DAMN

At least that was shorter than the excruciating part of The Janus Conjunction where Sam painstakingly removes a tracker from her arm but I’m still cringing pretty hard

Oh. So 'Florence’ can talk, she just doesn’t have the right to do so in that shitty society.

I’d like to see you try to silence him.

Okay so first, this is both clever and fun, but second, it means Eight knows ASL. Pretty fluently, too. But Twelve claimed he had forgotten how to sign in Under the Lake. Interesting.

Like a hybrid

That’s it that’s Eight in a nutshell

Holy shit Doctor

I thought shit had already hit the fan but apparently it was only the beginning

Uh, would you look at that. Tor Grymna is starting to realise killing his son might be a shitty thing to do.

Fitz is still this close to be a revolutionary force in this book but doesn’t have a clue how to be one or what he should do to change things. I find this pretty interesting.

Friendly reminder that I haven’t started to ship these two a couple of books ago without good reasons - and here’s one of the reasons

Doctor you’re just buying time because you have no idea what to do

HE ADMITS IT

...Oh my god.

Guys. I think Fitz got it wrong.

Eight isn’t trying to distract himself from the loss of the TARDIS with self-neglect and borderline self-harm. Between this and his new attitude towards Compassion (and constantly saying he’s sorry), I think he’s punishing himself for what he did in the previous book.