JohannesVIII's Doctor Who liveblogs archive: The Scarlet Empress

[Original blog post on Tumblr: September 16th, 2015]

~~Some~~ A metric ton of highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (The Scarlet Empress).

This one won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but I LOVED IT TO BITS.

This isn’t exactly a review, more like some sort of retroactive liveblogging, since I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers. And extremely long.

Is it still Doctor Who? Your mileage may vary. It’s got very little sci-fi elements, and it’s basically a fantasy novel, with magic books, transformations, talking animals, spirits, and an epic quest. And pirates and wizards and giant spiders and golden bears and talking birds and djinns and gryphons and holy shit, the last time I had that much fun while reading a fantasy book was when I first read Clive Barker’s wonderful Abarat. The tone is quite similar, too. There’s striking imagery every two pages or so, great and colourful characters everywhere, and if I had enough time on my hands I would draw half the stuff that happens in that story. And some parts are written in first person, and it also manages to be extremely meta without being annoying.

You may not like this book. You may argue it’s no longer Doctor Who. Me? I was almost crying tears of happiness at times just because of the sheer joy that permeates the whole thing. 10/10

One paragraph into the book and this is already screaming “that author gets Eight’s character and he isn’t going to write him like a generic Doctor”. Good.

So Paul Magrs borrowed that fun little scene at the beginning of The Stones of Venice from one of his own books, then!

CHARLEY: Couldn't you do something about tidying this place up?
DOCTOR: The Tardis? What's wrong with it?
CHARLEY: For a really futuristic ship, what you ought to have is gleaming white surfaces and bright flashing controls, and, I mean, it's the 1930s now, Doctor. This place is like something out of Jules Verne.

I’m not sure Sam and Charley would get along, but they’d have that in common, at least. :D

Well it did work once or twice, to be fair.

Yes I know this is a big screenshot but get used to it because this post is going to be a mile long anyway.

“EVERY TIME HE SAW A PHOTO OF EITHER OF THEM HE GAVE AN INVOLUNTARY FLINCH”

WHAT

IS THAT THE IRIS I’M THINKING ABOUT

PLEASE BE IRIS WILDTHYME

This explains a lot.

Too many writers forget that Eight can be some sort of nightmare fuel station attendant at times. This one doesn’t. Good.

Please be a double-decker bus

YES

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

IRIS WILDTHYME IS IN THIS BOOK I’M SO HAPPY NO ONE TOLD ME

Even if literally nothing is happening yet, Eight can still hurt himself. Wow.

“Delightful”

Iris had a Christmas dinner with Five, Tegan and Turlough. Imagine the sass.

Also, imagine Iris making villains trip on her own hair.

YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT HE LIKES THINGS LIKE THAT

ASDFGHJKAQSDFGHJK FROBISHER

Eeeeeeeeeeee this makes me happy

THIS ALSO MAKES ME HAPPY

Space-Oscar-Wilde met the actual Oscar Wilde, oh my god.

OKAY GET READY FOR A LOT MORE YELLING BECAUSE THE IMAGERY IN THIS BOOK IS CONSTANTLY AWESOME

“coat tails flying”

MORE AWESOME IMAGERY

“THE QUEEN OF JAM”

This should be horrifying but I love it.

“GOOD JOB WE ONLY GOT RUBBISHY MONSTERS TO BATTLE”

CYBORG HANDS FLAPPING LIKE A SILVER BIRD

SO COOL

You f█cking dork.

I have no words.

I hope he also does that sometimes when people are just slightly injured.

Are you seriously going to give a Metebelis Crystal to a Djinn just so he can push the bus back on the road??

Well I was going to ask that, Sam, so shhhhh.

Oh my f█cking god

Oh my f█cking god²

IRIS IS SO GENRE-SAAVY I LOVE HER

This reminds me of Orbae (by the amazing François Place) and its ever-changing map and oh my god I want to draw the golden bears of Kestheven okay.

YES GOOD GO FIND THE GOLDEN BEARS AND THEIR QUEEN

I want to draw those maps as well, ugh there are too many things I want to draw in that book.

I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THE TARDIS LIBRARY THAT WAY AND NOW I’M NEVER GOING TO THINK ABOUT IT ANY OTHER WAY

Nailed it, glass Vizier.

MAGIC BOOKS MAGIC BOOKS MAGIC BOOOOOOKS YESSSSSSS

WAIT WHAT

Is there yet another story with fish people in Venice I’m not aware of, or did Magrs only choose to develop this particular idea a few years later in The Stones of Venice only to have it borrowed later by someone else in Vampires of Venice??

Okay

From now on, if anyone asks me to sum up Eight’s modus operandi, I’ll just send them this screenshot. Because it’s perfect. Doctor no

No comment necessary

Sam has nightmares about what the Doctor said about his previous selves, combined with what she knows about the Empress and her decapitated seers.

Perfect.

I never thought of the Skarasens like dragons but the way Gila sums up the ending of The Bodysnatchers makes me want to read it again.

Meanwhile Iris keeps stealing the Doctor’s adventures, or is she? I love how it echoes the eternal battle between fans trying to keep canon consistent and fans who gave up and decided almost anything was possible.

Just so you know I’m in the second category. Funnier that way.

Oh my f█cking god.

That’s the pot calling the kettle black Doctor and you know it.

Aaaaaaaaaaah this makes me so happy ;_;

Wow okay mysterious creature I didn’t think anyone could seriously use the word “masculine” to describe the Doctor in general and especially that one.

ASDFGHJKAZSDFGHJKDFGHJK

YES GOOD

VERY VERY GOOD

“I DON’T THINK HE EVEN HAS A GENDER”

PLEASE GO ON

YES

GENDERQUEER ASEXUAL DOCTOR FOR THE WIN

I WANT TO HUG SAM

I WANT TO HUG THAT BOOK

I WANT TO HUG EVERYTHING

Meanwhile Iris and Eight are CAPTURED BY TALKING BIRDS OF PARADISE I’M SORRY THIS BOOK IS TOO AWESOME I HAVE TO KEEP SCREAMING

ALSO THEY WANT TO KEEP THEM AS STORYTELLERS

Yes good

Meet Major Angela, the queen of Kestheven, one of my favorite characters in a book already full of awesome characters.

She’s got a beard, she’s blind, she’s the queen of the golden bears, and she’s one hundred percent amazing.

Meanwhile, Eight is trying to escape the birds of paradise by giving them the recipe of the Doctor Who series:

I have no words

EVEN BIRDS LOVE PAUL MCGANN’S VOICE

EVEN BIRDS

I’m so happy

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SO CUTE

Look at those descriptions.

Look at them.

LOOK AT THOSE F█CKING DESCRIPTIONS

I’m almost overdosing on beautiful over the top imagery at this point

THE GOLDEN BEARS MAKE COATS OF THEIR OWN FUR

OF COURSE HE WOULD BEFRIEND THE GIANT GUARDIAN SPIDER

OF COURSE

OKAY I WAS ALMOST HIGH ON BEAUTIFUL IMAGERY ALREADY BUT THAT PARAGRAPH MADE ME CRY A LITTLE BIT I HOPE YOU’RE SEEING THAT LANDSCAPE AS CLEARLY AS I SEE IT IN MY HEAD BECAUSE HOLY SH█T