The Shadows of Avalon

[Original blog post on Tumblr: July 21st, 2016]

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (The Shadows of Avalon).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers. And extremely long.

Where do I even begin with this book? On one hand, let’s face it: it’s not good. Which is surprising, considering I love Paul Cornell’s output for the audios and the TV series. On the other hand, someone spoiled me a crucial plot point that happens in this book, but said crucial plotpoint still blew my mind when it happened, especially because the outcome of the situation could have been so much worse, and it gave us an absolutely glorious ending instead.

Eight is, at times, written dangerously close to “generic Doctor” here, Fitz... exists, for the most part, and Compassion... well, things happen. Big things. Meanwhile the Brigadier is a depressed mess, and is unexpectedly the most interesting character in the book. His own little arc really works. Also, the whole “fairies at war with humans” thing works so much better than in Autumn Mist. And the two main villains pretty much tread in so-bad-it’s-good territory.

So basically, the books operates on a 5/10 level during almost all the story and then BOOM, the last pages catapult you into the stratosphere. 6,5/10 (maybe 7/10? I don’t know)

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This book starts with grief and death. I was promised dragons, damn it.

A++ answer here.

Compassion, why are you sleeping on the f█cking floor.

Compassion I don’t want to alarm you but you’re getting weirder and weirder.

Oh my god what the hell - Cavis and Gandar, are you the gallifreyan equivalent of punk-goths or what?

The amount of secondhand embarrassment is already skyrocketing. Pretty sure Cavis’s last incarnation had a terrible “anarchy” tattoo that got burned away by regenerating or something similar. My god.

First, “The shock was so great that a few of them regenerated on the spot”.

Second, Romana, are you really sending these two on a delicate mission? Because I thought you were way more clairvoyant than that. They’re going to f█ck everything up.

OKAY

I LAUGHED SO DAMN HARD

OKAY SO BASICALLY CAVIS AND GANDAR ARE LIKE “EDGY” PUNK GOTH TEENAGERS WHO’VE BEEN CHEWED & SPAT OUT BY THE CLASSIC WHO WORLDOFTEXT

I’M EXPECTING PLANT JOKES AND WEIRD SLASH FANFICTION ANY MINUTE NOW

Well this very nearly made me tear up, thank you for that.

YES GOOD I WAS PROMISED DRAGONS I WANT DRAGONS

Look at this ‘to do’ list Eight made for Compassion, I have no words.

Brigadier, meet Compassion. Compassion and the Brig, meet CERTAIN DOOM

Well isn’t that the fakest oh-no-look-the-TARDIS-has-been-destroyed cliffhanger I’ve ever seen.

Oh I like that description of Eight. “Eyes that seemed to be continuously mocking until you looked deeper and saw that he was laughing with you and not at you”.

Doctor, you’re babbling.

So this is another book with fairies, then! It certainly can’t do worse than Autumn Mist. Frankly, I don’t think anything can.

Oh this is awesome.

I SPAT MY TEA ON THE KEYBOARD

Oh so that’s what happened after the ending of the previous book, then.

Stop it you two

Wait for it

Wait for it

I expected it anD IT WAS STILL EVERYTHING I WANTED AND MORE

That explains a lot, actually.

DRAGONS

Same, Fitz, same.

Tell him the truth, Brig, grieving is less horrible when you aren’t alone.

DAMN YOU, NOISE

So now there’s a portal which connects Avalon to our version of Earth and that can’t be good

Well Doctor they are on a goddamn dragon, it can’t get much better than that.

Oh no he’s trying to rebuild the TARDIS

Friendly reminder that Faction Paradox are terrifying even in stories where they aren’t even there

Oh no help this is cute

Also it’s a typical Eight moment, which is surprisingly rare in that book so far.

OKAY THIS DESCRIPTION OF THE UNSEELIE COURT IS REALLY F█CKING COOL, LOOK AT IT

Same, Fitz, same.

WELP I’M HAVING HORRIBLE TSUBASA CHRONICLES FLASHBACKS

DON’T WAKE HIM UP

I laughed

EIGHT IS NOW ON A DRAGON THIS IS NOT A DRILL

ALSO A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT ELEVEN STOLE THAT FROM EIGHT

Well technically you’re not wrong.

CHARLEY: We need different names. You be Tigger.

TIGGER!DOCTOR: Tigger?! Tigger's always my favourite!

Must admit that’s a nice comeback.

Meanwhile Mab managed to get the truth out of the Brig. Let’s hope he’ll feel better after that.

All I can think of is this, for some reason:

I have no words

“IT WAS JUST A DOOR”

LEGENDARY

I KNEW CAVIS AND GANDAR WERE FANS OF WEIRD SLASH FICTION I JUST F█CKING KNEW IT

I BET THEY TOUCH PLANTS IN THEIR SPARE TIME TOO

“OTHERING OMEGA”

They are so embarrassing and so funny at the same time my god

Meanwhile Eight still has absolutely no plan and just hopes nothing too horrible will happen to him on the way to his destination

YOU TWO ARE FROM THE PATREX CHAPTER??

WHY AM I IN THE SAME CHAPTER AS THESE TWO JERKS DAMMIT

HE WAS ABOUT TO SAY “OTHERFUCKER” I CAN’T BREATHE

Also Cavis tortures and eats people. xXX-T00-3DGY-XXx

CAN THEY GET ANY WORSE BETTER BOTH; THEY ARE LIKE A LIVING CLASSIC WHO SHITPOST WRITTEN BY A 2000s TEENAGER

Meanwhile the Brig is trying to get killed and this isn’t okay.

But it’s not working anyway.

Can I hug the Brig and rock back and forth

Yes Compassion I agree this whole story is very something

Meanwhile the Doctor has fallen into the vortex and I’m having pleasant Seasons of Fear flashbacks.

Okay so that thing I’ve been spoiled about Compassion happens in this book, then. I still don’t know how or why it happens, mind you.

HERE WE GO

IT BEGINS

Wait, do they actually want Compassion to die?

Whatever they had planned, it failed anyway.

This book makes me want to say “same, Fitz, same” a lot despite the fact that the character himself doesn’t do much in this story.

Is the Doctor sensing Compassion in the vortex? Woah.

The Brig doesn’t even give a shit about anything anymore.

DEATH TO THE LIVING SHITPOST

Look on the bright side, you have more space for new edgy tattoos now

One day I’ll have to make a list of moments when Fitz in unexpectedly brilliant in the face of danger instead of, you know... trying to pass for a dangerous criminal... forgetting how elevators work...

Damn that was cooler than I expected.

OH NO HELP THIS IS CUTE COMPASSION ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE

Nothing is going to be alright and you know it, Doctor

It still looked fake as hell, to be fair.

Cavis and Gandar can’t even realise they should stop listening to Linkin Park at 3 am just to annoy their neighbours so how are you expecting them to realise something like that

What the fuck, Compassion

NOTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT, DOCTOR

Meanwhile in Avalon the Brig continues to break my heart

PLEASE STOP

Well doesn’t that sound familiar.

YES GOOD, BRIGADIER, SAVE THIS SOLDIER, SAVE YOURSELF, SAVE AVALON, FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT

HE’S ACCIDENTALLY PUTTING A HALT TO THE WAR TOO

Damn, this part was great.

There’s something in my eye

THE THING IN MY EYE INTENSIFIES

“Spot of bother with these Faerie chappies” is both the understatement of the week and the most British thing I’ve ever read

Also: “Stop it at once, the men are watching.”

Well that’s a rather tense finale but I was still expecting more.

He literally deFEATED GANDAR BY KISSING HIM HAHAHA

“The Doctor intervened and by 'intervened' I mean he aggressively snogged me”

Holy shit, Mab.

OH SHIT

OH DAMN HERE IT GOES

IT FINALLY HAPPENED OH SHIT THAT TOOK ITS SWEET TIME

SO THIS IS THE DOCTOR’S FAULT HOLY SHIT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT DETAIL

OH SHIT OH FUCK WHAT ROMANA NO WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO

OH NO OH NOPE OH HELL NO OH SHIT OH FUCK

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR ROMANA

YES GOOD GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THERE

Holy shit I’d never expected to hate Romana so much

I’m so glad they got away

Oh damn this is so cool?!

FITZ NO

FITZ. NO.

YOU HAD TO GO THERE DIDN’T YOU

Hahaha oh shit I’ll watch my mouth if I were you, Fitz, remember that time she murdered someone with an axe? Twice?

This last part is 100% more awesome than the rest of the book holy shit

It’s so surreal too, I just love it okay

She has a console room too!

That ending was ten times more satisfying and epic than what I expected after the rest of the book. Seriously. I feel so happy. Fly, Compassion, fly through time and space!

Also, I got to say it put absolutely incredible images in my head, and they were very close to some Tool music videos, which is always nice.

And it also means I’m now almost free of real spoilers. The only things I know about the future EDAs are: 1) at some point Eight will destroy Gallifrey 2) at some point Eight will be stuck on Earth and amnesiac 3) at some point there’s a new companion named Anji 4) at some point Eight loses a heart?! 5) “[insert book name here] is great/terrible”